Choosing Your Child

Before you even pick an agency, you have to know what you want. Find out what you and your spouse want. If you're single, it's much easier. You don't have to agree with anyone but you. Everyone has a different opinion about what's cute or what will fit. Sit down with a piece of paper and list all the stuff you want in a child. Here are some things to consider...

A Healthy Child

Healthy children are out there, but they are in high demand, so the wait might be longer or they could be available one day and placed the next. All healthy children have some degree of developmental delay. The longer they've been in an institution, the more delayed they can be. They also have higher adoption fees.

Special Needs

There are an abundance of children who are considered to have special needs. The degree of "special needs" varies considerably. Some children have correctable minor issues like an umbilical hernia and others have bigger ones like cerebral palsy. What can you deal with? The fixable stuff is a snap. The more ongoing the handicap is the more trying it can be on you and your family. If you have an excellent health insurance plan, you're halfway there. It takes special parents to raise special kids and it can sometimes be hard on the siblings.

Boy or Girl?

In Eastern European adoptions there are more boys than girls. You will wait longer for the referral of a girl than for a boy. Concerning sex, it's entirely up to you. If you have 3 boys already and want a girl...do it. You know what is best for your family. The agency doesn't. Why are there more boys than girls...EVERYONE wants girls and they are in very high demand...ALWAYS. But you can find them if you have paperwork completed.

Babies

When you adopt a baby, you start from the beginning. You will see the milestones they reach and you will be the ones who have helped them to reach these milestones. Babies catch up on the delay issue faster. Get to buy baby clothes, formula, bottles, diapers, crib, etc. There is an expense there, in getting the nursery together, but it's a lot of fun. If you have children already, you know what is in store for you. First timers may have a little more trouble. All babies respond to different things. Can you stop a stranger's baby from crying? It can be difficult. Babies are a lot of work! If you have the energy and desire to start from scratch go for it. You will wait much longer for a baby, they are in the highest demand. Everybody wants babies! If you can't find one that you want...you can submit a dossier to some agencies and they will find one for you, and only you to consider.

Toddlers

Don't have to do the baby things like bottles, diapers, burping, etc. In the orphanages, children are potty trained very early, usually by the age of two. Just starting to speak, so it's much easier to teach them English. Their personalities are not yet fully developed and can be altered some with your help. They usually can't dress themselves very well and you'll have the opportunity to teach them how. Tantruming can be longer than the "norm". They are ignored when they do that, but you will be there to console them and help them through their frustrations. They are like babies, developmentally, but they can walk. So there is less carrying to do.

School Age Children

This is a big undertaking behaviorally, educationally and language-wise. They have a firm grasp of their native language, have had no educational instruction (they don't know the numbers or the alphabet yet), and have some behaviors that can be difficult. The longer they've been in, the more delayed they can be. Language learning will be slow. It usually takes about 8 months for them to completely drop their native language. Our son was 6 ½ upon arrival in the states and stopped speaking Romanian by the 6th month home. They do not know any limits and you will have to set those and enforce them. They have had little to no discipline and tantrums can be frequent and last a long time. Once they adapt to the family, though, they are excellent! They love to be held and cared for. Watching them learn is like nothing else. The fee on children over the age of 4 years is considerably lower than babies and toddlers. You are these children's last chance from a life in an institution.

Older Children

The older children, over the age of 8, are the hardest ones to find families for. Their personalities are pretty well formed and they come with habits and sometimes some abandonment issues. They also come with a hope to be great. They want families more than anything. They want to be a son or daughter because that's all they've dreamed about. They are very independent people because they have to be. They are very gracious and thankful for the families that decide to love them.